fuck me...

A Lot.
Wednesday, Apr. 07, 2004 11:47

Changes and changes and changes.

its so beautiful outside

but so dark inside my room

i should call the purple dinosaur,

make a purple dinosaur appointment with dinotine.

i will. i mean it.

but i cant promise anything.

thats so true.

i cant promise anything.

(except that i love you)

see this is how it is for me right now.

so many changes

so many.

i dropped out of school

became a freegan

shaved the back of my head

now, these feel great.

but i cant figure this out:

is my life finally coming together

or finally falling apart?

for once it cant be a combination of the two,

and i dont know which one i'm rooting for.

thats a lie

i do.

thats a lie

i dont.

i guess erin tried to kill herself.

i was camped out on her floor wearing her giant black poofy skirt.

we were pretty much drunk.

and she pretty much took and entire bottle of ibuprofen (extra strength)

when it hit her, chaos insued.

the hospital came shortly after vomit and drinking shampoo to induce said vomit.

she didnt want to die.

which was good.

because i dont want her to.

i dont get death.

i dont think its final

when ur dead, you can just get back up you know?

no you dont, do you?

sense of reality eh?

oh, shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiet.

oh well.

people keep thanking me.

sarah, andreatine, erin.

but i dont get it.

its weird

they make it seem like i did something out of the ordinary.

like i'd ever think of doing anything but saving her.

like i'd let my best friend lie there and die.

i REALLY dont think so buddy.

maybe they are just thankful that she didnt die, which is reasonable.

that makes sense.

but the thank-yous make everything seem kind of underplayed.

its like, thanks for the napkin.

thanks for the soda

thanks for saving my daughters life,

how much do i owe you? Is it still $4.98?

I dunno.

Ima freegan.

Ima boy. Not a man. A boy. Men are gross perverts who pray on little girls and hoot and hollar at them.

Jamie is a man, he doesnt do these things, but maybe sometimes he could.

I have male privelage, its true.

But i dont even have the capability to do these things. Most guys have the potential. I dont. That's because i'm not just a boy you know? im a boy mixed with some girl. a birl? no thats weird. im ambisexual.

im ambi.

im many.

you know?

many genders too.

i thought because i have a dick and that i like it that made me a boy.

i thought that that made me just like everyone else.

just like them.

just like my brother,

her grandfather.

but im not like them.

i never have been,

i never will be.

im not just a boy.

im ambi.

throw in some boy,

some freak,

some girl,

some freak,

some schizophrenia,

5 drops of OCD

a drop of ADD

maybe some levity.

you get me.

Caelan (Procter? LoL)

im ambisexual.

im ambigendered.

im polyamorous.

im an ambiboy.

im a boy.

im a reader.

im a writer.

im a witch.

im a freak.

im a slut.

im a geek.

im a cool guy.

im an indivual.

im a high school dropout.

im a freegan.

im a wiccan.

im a pagan.

im a best friend.

im a hero.

im a femme boy.

im a poet.

im strong.

im not indifferent.

i care.

she obviously doesnt know how i feel about her. so im gunna say it, without being vague or holding back. (or i'll try, i cant promise anything.) She is my best friend. I love her more than ANYTHING. More than the animals, buffy, myself, the leaves and small children. Life without her wouldnt be life. I didnt just save her life, I saved my own. We are a snabbit. And when I say that i mean a snake like abbit like creature. But i also mean we are like soulmates. Scary concept, and if she reads this she will probably feel trapped, but hey. if people are snooping around in my diary than they get what they get. She is my lucky fuzzy pink abbit foot star. Nothing will ever change that. Not even death. People thank me, but they fail to realise shes done the same for me. She has saved my life time and time again. Whenever I thought that there was nothing to live for, i remembered that there was erin.

Erin L. O'Reilly-Doxsee


She saved the world.

A Lot.

and life goes on

into the hole said the abbit
and the fox said okay because he wanted to eat the abbit
and as soon as they got into the hole the abbit
pulled out a shotgun and blew his fucking head off

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