fuck me...

sanity scream sanity
05/11/2004 11:48 am

written in my cha! cha! ta-da on saturday may 9th 2004

i scream and scream and scream

no one ever hears me

im so bitter

because im not sure

what i want or who i am

i scream



and no one ever bats an eye

i sit in a room full of people




and no one bats an eye

but thats okay

no its not

im confused

dazed even

amazed even

by the possibility

could it?

i dont know myself fully and no one does

i hide from myself

everyone does

scream for me

pretty boy

scream for me

pretty girl

and no one ever knows

place my hand where you will

im your vessel

take me wherever

you want

i am your vessel

and a single word

picks me up

and tosses me limply aside

like the dolls i never had

because im a boy

no one can see

im just a boy

my brother fucked me

not literally though

as if there's a difference,

and made me hide it

from myself





boys loving boys

and boys loving girls






whats the difference

i'll tell you

predator and prey

im not a predator

so i have to be prey

i refuse to be him

so i have to be gay

what do i do huh?

what do i do?

when being myself means becoming you?

so you want it?

come and get it

im not your

faggot anymore



and maybe

i like girls

so much to work through

like the innate sense of shame

when everytime

its like saying your name

xxxxxxx xxxxx xxxxxx

i try and try

but you always win

touch me baby

im scared, you love it

isnt this what

they've all been waiting for

my eventual downfall

my questioning

now look whos winning

this kamikazee game

i'll never run again

everythings changed.

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