because why because why because why because why because why because why because why because why because why because everyone has an inbalance of these two things. i think every thought should be weighed. every action should be countered with a 'why?' and a 'because.' a person decides to stay home instead of going out with their friends, when they really want to go. 'why arent i going out with them?' 'because im scared that they'll ask me about my break-up.' okay, good to know, now maybe you can work through why you dont want them to ask, what are you ashamed about. etc. but anyways. why because why because why because why because i need those. they are my foundation the beauty. why are they the beauty? because they help me to see excatly why i think things. why do i need them to help me do that? because i dont examine my actions unless i do the why/because. why dont i examine my actions? because i just assumed there are no reasons as to why i do the things i do. see. its all crystal clear to me. i love it. im happy with these why/becauses. so simple yet so glorious. so simple yet so beautiful. so simple. but yeah. i dont know. im bitter. with reason. there -- ---- ------ goes making it hard for me to ---- ---. like seriously, that was not called for. there is no exscuse. and i wont accept one. homophobia seeps in like gas and i try to breath but im just choking and gagging lieing on my bed looking at the ceiling eyes blurring and i read the scrawling on my walls, "why?" "the truth shall set you free" "behind blue eyes" "boys loving boys" secret messages i leave myself. whispering in my ear like some make-shift jimminy cricket. the truth shall set you free why? i dont know. i cant find the answer. maybe it doesnt matter. not every single request can be expected to be fulfilled without hesitation. some things are my brains alone. my brains alone. homophobic comments thrown in my face, and then im reprimanded. your high horse is wooden and if i stand up im just as tall. im just as tall so lets not condescend, lets just be there for each other and see each other through, before condemnation and apocalypse and not carry the symptoms of lost loves before. im not her. im not. no matter how hard you try to see me as her, im not. see me through. im not your boogeyman. im scared to jump ship and dive in but i would because youre my light. youre not a train. for once i can tell the difference. or maybe i said that everytime.
all dressed up for pride
05/11/2004 11:24 am
why
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