fuck me...

Tuesday, Jan. 20, 2004 03:16

Jamie: There is a disclaimer for this epiphany: do you agree to take everything at face value and to talk to me about every feeling thought you have on the suject and to not make me regret telling you my honest to goddess feelings?

I still like you but my mind works in a wacky way. I wish you were Poly but I don't think that can happen. I do want a relationship with you and I do want to get to know you again, but I don't know if we can have the intimate meaningful and deep-rooted relationship I wish we could have. Also things are weird in my head. I could never just jump back into a relationship, because of my disabilities. I could never go to you in a date kind of way. You would kind of just have to appear. I don't think we could even just hang out you know, because i would make up some lie and cancel on you at the last moment. I don't know what to say. I am not with anyone right now so the thought of being monogamous doesn't seem so bad. But if some grrrl or boi or other person comes along and i feel something towards them I know I will not give up my Polyamorous nature. I decided to be honest with myself so I thought I should also be honest with you. In all honesty I don't know what it is about you I like, if it is purely physical, or emotional, or both or neither or anything like that. But I know I haven't seen your face in a long time and when I think about how I feel about you I don't see a face or a form, I see what I think of as you. I can't describe that image but I do know it is a very loose interpretation of what I know of you. This is not really a physical thing, at least to the best of my knowledge it isn't. But I know that I do care for you and I know that i want to be completely honest with you. So this is your notice, from now on, complete honesty. No more David-Mind-Games or silent subconcious manipulation. Just me. Fangs bared and pupils dilated.

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