fuck me

16
Thursday, Sept. 25, 2003 9:37 p.m.

>< 16 ><

I was 16 years old, he had a hammer in his hand,

so I took all my stuff, and left everything I had.

I guess change is inevitable,

just like me being alone,

except I stopped being by myself,

and started being on my own...

and for half a fucking year,

I was very much alone,

but now that I'm back,

I�m back on my own.

and I decided a long time ago,

to depend on myself

because I really cannot trust anyone else

all of my friends may have, good intentions in sight

but that really doesn�t help me, since I�m alone every night.

now that I'm back here, things are going good,

they are going the way, I always, hoped that they would,

but now I am coming to something,

something I cant comprehend,

and I know it�s a new beginning, but I keep calling it, the end.

and I stand outside a restaurant,

attacking the people,

that I think I cant stand,

and I feel like a criminal.

looking out for the cops,

and I feel like my brother

even if �I know that I�m not�

and I guess I could,

give the dating scene a chance,

but every queer I talk to,

doesn�t want in my pants,

and I know I'm not a model,

and I know I'm not perfection,

but I can give insight,

even if I cant give affection.

and sure these hunky bois are�

nice enough,

but they�re dumb as a post,

and not nearly as tough,

and I want a guy I can talk to,

who doesn�t mind telling me off,

instead of just jerking me around,

or just jerking me off

I could sit home waiting to be saved,

by a man on a horse riding off on a road quite smoothly paved,

and we would sing in the shower and fucking fuck in the moonlight,

and we would never get angry with each other, and I don�t think we�d ever fight,

and then� and then we�d die together, in each others arms all day,

because of some gallant normal deed that put us both in harms way.

I think I�d like that in a way,

but life would be boring,

and I�d probably pull a David and pack up and run away�

again.

I guess that�s why I decided a long time ago,

to depend on myself

because I really cannot depend on just anyone else

all of these people, may have, good intentions in sight

but that really doesn�t help me, when I won�t let myself dream at night.

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