fuck me...

zip zapping
July 16, 2004 7:01 pm

i want to know what its like to have fire.

i want to know what its like to have passion.

i want to know what its like to feel so in love that it burns me alive.

it might not be possible.

but for now, i will settle on infactuation.

for now, i will settle on being human.

it'll be hard, but its a necessary step.

i've always jumped into the fray,

nothing has changed.

and i still climb in my window head first.

but im want the fire, the passion, the tears and the fights. i want it all. but my brother decided i dont get those nice things. to feel. to love the way i need to. and you know what? i dont care what anyone says anymore. everyone can literally go fuck themselves. maybe its time to be free and wild. maybe its time to be with people who can let me engulf myself in flames. maybe its time to reach into my chest, rip out the ice and say, id rather have nothing than this. maybe its time to start cracking my head against the computer screen saying "im not the one whos getting paid anymore". maybe its time for the scary honesty. maybe its time to be confessional. maybe its time to be me, regardless of anything else. i am who i am. i try my best to be a good person, but that doesnt matter. i will not take anything anyone says for granted. i will figure bullshit out on my own. i got these nice purple and yellow firecrackers inside me and maybe this time, i will let them burn... so hold onto the wick, and lets see how much blood i get on my walls. lets see how much you can control me when i zipzapping all over the place.

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