fuck me...

action & action
May 16, 2004 3:47 pm

i grow bored and tired and i wonder if im even looking at the right line anymore?

why do i think that?

because im not so sure.

why am i not sure?

cos i havent seen him in a month and a half.

its weird. weird and strange. i havent seen my boyfriend in a fairly long time. years. light years. so much has changed. i dont even have hair anymore. where did it go i dont even have hair anymore. i love my lack of hair. and my trucker hat, and go fuck yourself lips. and i think to myself, fuck im hot. i develop crushes so easily. its weird and creepy. no, im trying to find my words.

what i mean to say is...

i like it.

i guess my words in my head arent easily translated by the common folk of tinseltown.

and what i mean to say is...

most people dont understand me.

i want to be me.

without the self-constraint and self-detteration (is that a word?)

without the fucked up power games

without the slight revenge whereever i can get it.

without the blood tears

without the crippling depression

wait, thats erin.

scartch that.

i want to be wild.

i want to be free.

and i and trying.

i am just wondering.

if i want to do something.

and i stop myself.

i have to ask why?

the answer is always>

i dunno, just dont. its risky and you will look like a bafoon.

and my response was always to look away ashamed.

i dont think of doing it and fucking the consequences up their collective ass.

no, i do.

i do think that.

a small small book helped me.

and what i mean is, i wrote my mantra on a piece of paper.

"why? because..."

wat a fag eh?

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