why do i think that? because im not so sure. why am i not sure? cos i havent seen him in a month and a half. its weird. weird and strange. i havent seen my boyfriend in a fairly long time. years. light years. so much has changed. i dont even have hair anymore. where did it go i dont even have hair anymore. i love my lack of hair. and my trucker hat, and go fuck yourself lips. and i think to myself, fuck im hot. i develop crushes so easily. its weird and creepy. no, im trying to find my words. what i mean to say is... i like it. i guess my words in my head arent easily translated by the common folk of tinseltown. and what i mean to say is... most people dont understand me. i want to be me. without the self-constraint and self-detteration (is that a word?) without the fucked up power games without the slight revenge whereever i can get it. without the blood tears without the crippling depression wait, thats erin. scartch that. i want to be wild. i want to be free. and i and trying. i am just wondering. if i want to do something. and i stop myself. i have to ask why? the answer is always> i dunno, just dont. its risky and you will look like a bafoon. and my response was always to look away ashamed. i dont think of doing it and fucking the consequences up their collective ass. no, i do. i do think that. a small small book helped me. and what i mean is, i wrote my mantra on a piece of paper. "why? because..." wat a fag eh?
action & action
May 16, 2004 3:47 pm
i grow bored and tired and i wonder if im even looking at the right line anymore?
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